Father’s Day is bittersweet for me. While I love celebrating my son and husband because they are amazing fathers, I miss my Dad.
We didn’t grow up in one of those sweet, quiet, comfy homes that you see on t.v. (or even that I saw in my friends’ homes). As a little girl, I didn’t realize a lot of things but as I got older and Dad spiraled into alcoholism it got tough. I don’t know how we survived it, but we did.
In 1983, at 39 years old, on the verge of death(like hours away), Dad went into rehab and got sober. For the most part, life changed. Dramatically. He didn’t do things by halves, so the bar we owned became Club Serenity, a place where AA meetings were held and people could go play pool and have a soda. I had started going to church with friends, and Mom and Dad started going too. They got saved, and I thought life would just be grand. What I didn’t realize is that Dad was just a violent person. Drunk or sober, he didn’t have the tools to solve conflict any other way.
In 1992, he had a major stroke. His memory and vision were affected, along with his impulse control. Mom tried her best, but after he tried to kill her one too many times she realized she had to leave. I can’t imagine making that decision. By the time she left, he had recovered enough to live on his own for the most part – she got him a driver who was a family friend, and he was able to travel.
One of the things that was always true about Dad is that he was CRAZY SMART. Like, I’m pretty sure if he had been tested he would have been considered a genius. He could tabulate a column of 4- and 5- digit numbers in his head, he could formulate a business plan in minutes, and he understood the stock market in a way that was instinctual. His mind was absolutely amazing.
Another thing that was always true is that I ALWAYS knew that I was loved. Even in the depths of his alcoholism, I knew. When I grew up and had children, and when my little sister became a mother, seeing him with his grandchildren was just such a joy! He loved with every cell of his being – remember, he didn’t do anything by halves. His joy in his grandchildren was apparent to everyone. He loved being Santa and the Easter Bunny, his superpower was gift-giving. He loved sitting on the couch in Seanea’s beauty shop, talking to anyone who came in, and spending time with her kids TJ and Jenna there.
Dad moved away from Blythe in 2010, just a few months after I did. We didn’t know he was going for good, his “visit” to his sister turned into a permanent situation, but we did get to visit him. When we did, we got to take him for favorite foods and on our last visit with him, he met his first great-grandchild!
There are so many things I want to tell him and show him, like the fact that he now has a great-grandson that is squishy and rough-and-tumble and LOVES when I sing “bushel and a peck” to him, just like he used to do to Steven and Cloie. As much as I want those things, however, I must find peace in the fact that a few years ago, Dad promoted to Heaven. He is gone from here, but his legacy lives on in them. So, we love you, Dad. we miss you.
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